The Bottom Line
Your deep feelings need to be addressed. Expose yourself emotionally and be heard.
In Detail
A loved one you've been thinking about fondly for some time has finally come around -- at least, it seems that way. There are several roadblocks in their way, however, many of which won't move aside easily. The hard part will be overcoming your urge to clear their way without enlisting any help at all from them. The harder part is the absolute necessity of letting go so they can make this happen alone -- which is what really counts.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
give 'em the benefit of the doubt
and never mind how it boomerangs back?
i think petua's are full of jacks. seriously.
i think petua's are full of jacks. seriously.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
stoked as!
Kala is back ~ like hooooly shit!
MK & Faliq are too.
Mama & Edi will be in a weeks time.
G in 2 weeks.
and Beep in 3 weeks - for good.
July is a happy, happy month :)
Im gonna be hell-broke. but HAPPY.
MK & Faliq are too.
Mama & Edi will be in a weeks time.
G in 2 weeks.
and Beep in 3 weeks - for good.
July is a happy, happy month :)
Im gonna be hell-broke. but HAPPY.
Monday, June 22, 2009
an organised crime
what have you gotten yourself into? two years have past, and the same question revisited.
at the rate that this is going, i think i need an extended 6-months holiday on a deserted island, alone, to clear up the clutter in my mind.
you know how sometimes you love someone so much, you try to protect them with all your might, length and extent? and at times its just best to let them fall, and pick themselves up? easier said than done.
which is why.. its best not to know. than knowing and not being able to do anything about it.
ps: i think italians talk WAY too much. mr italiano rambled on for 4 straight hours; my blood sugar level spiraled down! if not for the grande latte he got me, i wouldve bitten his head off alive. let alone the content that i had to endure. lesson learned today: yours truly is being reminded of what patience, hardship, and perseverance is.
at the rate that this is going, i think i need an extended 6-months holiday on a deserted island, alone, to clear up the clutter in my mind.
you know how sometimes you love someone so much, you try to protect them with all your might, length and extent? and at times its just best to let them fall, and pick themselves up? easier said than done.
which is why.. its best not to know. than knowing and not being able to do anything about it.
ps: i think italians talk WAY too much. mr italiano rambled on for 4 straight hours; my blood sugar level spiraled down! if not for the grande latte he got me, i wouldve bitten his head off alive. let alone the content that i had to endure. lesson learned today: yours truly is being reminded of what patience, hardship, and perseverance is.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
season's greetings
with typhoon T1 warning up! it was a year ago. when i wanted to come over there was the typhoon, and now again its happening. we laughed at it.
im out of the motherland's air radius! :)
arrived late last night, after flight delay, turbulences and random security checks. oh the usual. i slept throughout the flight, ha penat mcm tu skali. arrived the hotel, ate simple "home" food :) i miss.
we chatted, and you spoke alll night. i was happy to just lie by your side and listen. literally JUST listen. until about near 2am, and i could no longer make sense of the conversation, so i dozed off again.
we forgot to ask for extra blankies. i said it was alright and just slept. too tired to worry abt being cold or otherwise. only to realise later that night, you gave me your blankie and covered me up while you covered yourself up with just a kain batik.
***
well, its the next morning now. did the norm. what i would usually do 1 year ago. washing, meals, and the domestic affairs.
gonna go out out later this evening for meetings.
am feeling very at peace with myself, alhamdulillah. what i actually wanted and needed so desperately.
it'll give me enough time to think, reflect, read coelho's book yang dah lama nak baca but never had time to, watch tv & PB together, roam the streets, do the 6 kms ritual walk, do groceries, go to the harbour and watch the birds, drink coffee while not in a stressful state - which means actually enjoying the smell and taste of the brew, polish my nails, spend time with him, oh the beautiful list is endless.
but throughout all this, the first thing on my mind when i arrived was you. and until now, it's you.
im out of the motherland's air radius! :)
arrived late last night, after flight delay, turbulences and random security checks. oh the usual. i slept throughout the flight, ha penat mcm tu skali. arrived the hotel, ate simple "home" food :) i miss.
we chatted, and you spoke alll night. i was happy to just lie by your side and listen. literally JUST listen. until about near 2am, and i could no longer make sense of the conversation, so i dozed off again.
we forgot to ask for extra blankies. i said it was alright and just slept. too tired to worry abt being cold or otherwise. only to realise later that night, you gave me your blankie and covered me up while you covered yourself up with just a kain batik.
***
well, its the next morning now. did the norm. what i would usually do 1 year ago. washing, meals, and the domestic affairs.
gonna go out out later this evening for meetings.
am feeling very at peace with myself, alhamdulillah. what i actually wanted and needed so desperately.
it'll give me enough time to think, reflect, read coelho's book yang dah lama nak baca but never had time to, watch tv & PB together, roam the streets, do the 6 kms ritual walk, do groceries, go to the harbour and watch the birds, drink coffee while not in a stressful state - which means actually enjoying the smell and taste of the brew, polish my nails, spend time with him, oh the beautiful list is endless.
but throughout all this, the first thing on my mind when i arrived was you. and until now, it's you.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
4:45
sent!
more than ready to pengsan now. the dissertation that, awhile back seemed like it would have never finished, is over now. thank goodness.
but then had to wait all evening to meet the godfather. only to hear him say "i'll get back to you in the next few days". although, he did repeat himself at least 3 times. nvm, zero expectations do me better. so, brush it off.
and now im hvg the chills. apa lagi, pop them pills tonight. demam nanti tak best nak fly. eh wait, i wont even be able to fly at all!
so the plan is.. friday night i'll be seeing mama :) kinda miss her actually so i intentionally committed my time to see her before i fly off.
more than ready to pengsan now. the dissertation that, awhile back seemed like it would have never finished, is over now. thank goodness.
but then had to wait all evening to meet the godfather. only to hear him say "i'll get back to you in the next few days". although, he did repeat himself at least 3 times. nvm, zero expectations do me better. so, brush it off.
and now im hvg the chills. apa lagi, pop them pills tonight. demam nanti tak best nak fly. eh wait, i wont even be able to fly at all!
so the plan is.. friday night i'll be seeing mama :) kinda miss her actually so i intentionally committed my time to see her before i fly off.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
O' Allah
O' Allah,
If i love a person, please don't let me love them more than i love You.
O' Allah,
If i miss a person, please don't let me miss them more than i miss You.
O' Allah,
If i want a person, please don't let me want them more than i want You.
O' Allah,
If i need a person, please don't let me need them more than i need You.
O' Allah,
If i fear a person, please don't let me fear them more than i fear You.
[thank you TN, for sharing this with me]
If i love a person, please don't let me love them more than i love You.
O' Allah,
If i miss a person, please don't let me miss them more than i miss You.
O' Allah,
If i want a person, please don't let me want them more than i want You.
O' Allah,
If i need a person, please don't let me need them more than i need You.
O' Allah,
If i fear a person, please don't let me fear them more than i fear You.
[thank you TN, for sharing this with me]
Friday, June 12, 2009
panjang
"my husband wants to talk to you. would you?"
that's like a nightmare come true alright. the day that i hope will never happen, is now here. my stepdad is back in the picture (after about 7 years)!
i knew this was coming the day mom offered (and insisted) me to have that Apt. and for that many times, i politely declined. and for that many times too, i think i upset mom. she feels insulted that im not accepting her offer. its not that i dont want to, its because of things like these lah.
now kononnya, he wants to liase with me directly to renovate the Apt and what nots. mom added "he just wants the past behind". yeah, HIS past maybe. id rather live in an old shack than having to deal with him again.
cant that old man just leave me alone already. seriously. sigh. so now, there's gonna be another streak of commotion in trying to talk to mom without insulting her. i hate being put in catch 22.
that's why life was much easier when i was overseas, alone. with no money, living in a place that looked like it was going to be torn or burnt down anytime. but at least, no one would disturb me, look or know of my living condition and definitely not able to complain anything as that was my own money, and that was all i could afford.
oh si stepdad ni, the family (without my family's knowledge) calls him panjang. dada aptly suggested so :) i have a cool grandfather, yes.
*i look forward to today's evening run.
that's like a nightmare come true alright. the day that i hope will never happen, is now here. my stepdad is back in the picture (after about 7 years)!
i knew this was coming the day mom offered (and insisted) me to have that Apt. and for that many times, i politely declined. and for that many times too, i think i upset mom. she feels insulted that im not accepting her offer. its not that i dont want to, its because of things like these lah.
now kononnya, he wants to liase with me directly to renovate the Apt and what nots. mom added "he just wants the past behind". yeah, HIS past maybe. id rather live in an old shack than having to deal with him again.
cant that old man just leave me alone already. seriously. sigh. so now, there's gonna be another streak of commotion in trying to talk to mom without insulting her. i hate being put in catch 22.
that's why life was much easier when i was overseas, alone. with no money, living in a place that looked like it was going to be torn or burnt down anytime. but at least, no one would disturb me, look or know of my living condition and definitely not able to complain anything as that was my own money, and that was all i could afford.
oh si stepdad ni, the family (without my family's knowledge) calls him panjang. dada aptly suggested so :) i have a cool grandfather, yes.
*i look forward to today's evening run.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
finding comfort in chaos
checklist for tonight:
1. work myself til dawn. cut off at 4am?
2. go for a good run tomorrow morning.
3. consume a healthy shot of caffeine after that.
1. work myself til dawn. cut off at 4am?
2. go for a good run tomorrow morning.
3. consume a healthy shot of caffeine after that.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
going.. going.. gone
there's something very familiar with
the feeling of leaving,
smell of the airport,
look of the runway,
holding the red book in your hands,
the beeps and bops, and long lines.
it's the closest feeling of 'home' that i know of.
the feeling of leaving,
smell of the airport,
look of the runway,
holding the red book in your hands,
the beeps and bops, and long lines.
it's the closest feeling of 'home' that i know of.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
knowing the unknown
i find beauty in submitting yourself to the unknown,
knowing that you'll be well taken care of.
rather paradoxical if you ask me. but that's the beauty isn't it?
oh how you blow my mind.
i received a call for the long overdue interview, tmr. not pressured nor worried whether i'll be getting it. am completely leaving it up to you, to decide what's best for me. same goes for my moving out in july. and my partially doomed-love life :)
guess i forgot what it was like to - submit to you. and im thankful i (somewhat) have my senses and faith back now. i miss that "calmness" i used to have a while back, when everything was que sera sera.
knowing that you'll be well taken care of.
rather paradoxical if you ask me. but that's the beauty isn't it?
oh how you blow my mind.
i received a call for the long overdue interview, tmr. not pressured nor worried whether i'll be getting it. am completely leaving it up to you, to decide what's best for me. same goes for my moving out in july. and my partially doomed-love life :)
guess i forgot what it was like to - submit to you. and im thankful i (somewhat) have my senses and faith back now. i miss that "calmness" i used to have a while back, when everything was que sera sera.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
norm
i've realised something has become a norm, off late this week.
and it feels pretty good.
and clean.
and.. peaceful.
alhamdulillah, i wish to keep it this way.
ps: even the working sunday doesnt bother me :) or maybe that's also 'cause, Federer's in the Roland Garros French Open FINALS toniiiiiight! Im so incredibly stoked and all geared for 9pm !
and it feels pretty good.
and clean.
and.. peaceful.
alhamdulillah, i wish to keep it this way.
ps: even the working sunday doesnt bother me :) or maybe that's also 'cause, Federer's in the Roland Garros French Open FINALS toniiiiiight! Im so incredibly stoked and all geared for 9pm !
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